How this single senior reframed Valentine’s Day

Introduction

Let me start by saying this is not my first Valentine’s Day as a single senior woman. If this is your first Valentine’s Day without a romantic partner for whatever reason then perhaps reframing the day as I did will help.

You can decide how meaningful the day is for you. Pressure from marketing schemes, romanticized films, and depictions of love can lead you to accept that you must be in a romantic relationship, or at least be searching for one.

So what are you to do when the world is telling you, Ms. or Mr. Single Baby Boomer, that you need to celebrate LOVE when you’re not feeling it?

Reframing

celebrate being rather than being in love

Being single around Valentine’s Day is a different experience for seniors than for people in their 20s, 30s, or even 40s who are single around this time.  When you’re in your 60s, even 70s, Valentine’s Day might be more difficult because of having recently lost a loved one or recently divorcing after many years of being in a married situation.

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about couples, it doesn’t have to be about a special relationship.  It can be about recognizing that we all need to be loved and not just on this day. 

Most importantly we need to love ourselves first.

Valentine’s day is all about love, but that can mean different kinds of love. Love of family and friends, compassion for others who are feeling sad or lonely, and self-care. One person cannot be the source of all the different kinds of love we need as individuals.

Being a single senior on Valentine’s Day is no different than being a single senior any other day of the year – except maybe your birthday. I choose to look at the many ways that I can celebrate being rather than being in love.

Choose to celebrate

The month of February has more to offer than just Valentine’s Day. I won’t list all of them but here are a few:

National Heart month

• The entire month of February is devoted to Heart Health, not just one day of heartfelt love. 
• You can learn about the risk factors and what you can do to improve your heart health. 
• An entire month to learn how to take care of your heart – literally and figuratively. 

Singles Day

• Some countries celebrate Singles Appreciation/Awareness Day on February 15 – which means discounted chocolate! 

Black History month

• Instead of a romance movie full of cliches that remind you of your unattached status, watch one of the fantastic movies or documentaries airing this month and maybe discover something new.

Maybe something new 

• The week beginning February 12th is the International week for Flirting although some calendars only mark it as one day
• Random Acts of Kindness is recognized either on February 17 or in some cases from February 14 -20th. 
• And for what it’s worth, International Condom Day is February 13.

You’re not alone

A survey conducted by Pew Research in July 2022 showed 3 of 10 adults in the U.S. are single. Single is defined as not married, not living with a partner or not being in a committed relationship. I was surprised to learn that the number of people who are single in America has not changed in the three years of the covid pandemic. 

The survey showed that among all age groups of single adults, 57 % under 50 years are interested in finding a partner. But among those older than 65 only 16% are looking for a relationship. 

Only 16% of adults over 65 are looking for a relationship

I’m curious if this means seniors are more comfortable being single or if we are apathetic about the prospect of finding a partner when we are over 65.

When I was researching how seniors navigate around Valentine’s Day what kept popping up were ads for dating sites.  Does that mean that being single is a bad thing and we need to be reverting to some sort of way to become coupled? 

The discussion about online dating is multifaceted so for now I will simply suggest that if you choose to use any online dating sites be aware of frauds and scammers. Many years of personal experience in this area have been eye-opening, to say the least. (maybe that’s another post in the future)

Before you go looking online for a new relationship, build a foundational relationship with yourself first. Your success in finding a partner online or not is more likely to occur if you have a relationship with yourself first.

Love the One you’re with

Stephen Stills sang  “love the one you’re with” in 1970. At the time the general consensus was  ‘let free love abound!’. But maybe the message could be interpreted as love yourself. 

The only person you need to have a relationship with is yourself.

If your response to that statement is something along the lines of “Ppffhht, really” then reading 12 Keys to a Great Self- Relationship might open you up to an alternate perspective. Dr. Brenner asks why we don’t make a marriage-type contract with a to promise to care for ourselves no matter what? 

Whether you’re single or in a relationship these strategies can help you to create a relationship with yourself

• Inner dialogue
• Identify strengths and opportunities
• Spend time alone
• Take care of your needs

Things to do today and tomorrow

• Treat yourself. I like to buy myself flowers.

• Cook something special or try a new recipe. I will be posting an article about cooking for one, let me know if you want to be notified when it comes out.

• Celebrate family and honor the relationships you do have with friends. Show someone else the love and respect that you would like to be shown yourself

• You could check out local meetup groups in your area , maybe there is a group with a shared interest. The focus does not have to be on meeting a partner.

• Break away from social norms. I eat alone in restaurants, go for drinks on my own and I start conversations with random strangers in lineups – my way of opening the door a bit wider on singledom.

And So….

This day, and every other day, is a day for you to choose to smile, be kind to others and yourself, and accept what comes your way without judgement. Especially if you feel a reframing is required.

Whether you’re single by choice or circumstance, you do NOT have a big ‘Single’ sign hanging above you.

I know that I am not defined by being single, but it would be wonderful to find the right person to share my life with in an intimate way. However, not having that relationship isn’t a gap in being who I am.

I am interested in what experiences you have had being a single senior. Please share your comments in an email or direct message @cheryloutloud.